2005 UK Wildcat Football Schedule
Today I drove past the 2005 UK Wildcat Football Schedule sign, it’s out there on Nicholasville Road in front of the stadium. I noticed all the start times were listed as “TBA.” I thought to myself, that should read: “TBL at TBA.” For those dim bulbs in the audience, that stands for: “To Be Lost at To Be Announced.” This damn mule couldn’t hump a fence post.
Suckin' the snot out of a good idea
I hate it when something gets popular and all everyone jumps on the bandwagon, sucking the life out of the original cool idea. This always happens. I just don’t remember being driven insane about it before now. iMacs and iPods are the coolest devices to come along in a long time. People dig ‘em. I dig ‘em. But now every company has a got an “i” something or another. Hey “i”diots, the “i” wasn’t your goddamn “i”dea! Please stop using “i”t to sell your brake iPads and your iRubbers! For the love of God people, stop bein’ such iWhores. Actually, now that I think about it, I came to this whole bloggin’ thing pretty late. Dang it, iSuck!
FRIED
I just got back from a trip to the mountains. If I don’t get outside of New Circle Road every now and then I go flat fuckin’ crazy. I like to go back to the hills and valleys where I grew up. It helps me stay centered. It also provides me with bloggin’ material. One evenin’ I popped into KFC for a little buffet action. Now, I think I speak for all hicks when I say that I wish they’d do away with that rank ass chicken meat and just put the skins out there. Shit, that’s why we go to the Colonel. He’s the pimp daddy of the chicken skin world. I’d bet good money he checks in on his stores from the other side ‘cause he was a nut and he’s dead. To tell you the truth, as I sat there poundin’ down some thighs I’m pretty sure I heard him whispering in my ear, “suck my skin boy, ooh yeah, suck it.”
Now, in the midst of all us puffed up grazers was a young, scrawny couple. The guy looked like Dale Gribble. The girl’s back was to me so I couldn’t tell what she looked like. She had dark roots and that greenish blond hair you get from bleachin’ your hair then swimmin’ in chlorine treated pool water. I have a profound fondness for this look ‘cause there was a high school girl that worked at the basketball concession stand when I was little that sported this exact look. Damn, she was hot. I’m tellin’ you what, she provided warmth for a lonely little boy on many a cold winter night, if ya know what I’m sayin’. Anyway, after our emaciated KFC couple finished up their third or fourth after dinner smoke they got up to leave and I see that she is pregnant! Holy shit balls! She’s also wearin’ my new favorite t-shirt of all time. In those velvet, local t-shirt shop letters it read: “yeah, I’m smokin’ for two!” It’s gonna be a great winter!
This Just In
Today, in an unprecedented move, the Department of Voter Registration has revealed God’s official party affiliation as Communist. For some voters this comes as no surprise given all that water into wine business. However, the slap dick, right wing Christian Taliban faction of the Republican Party speaking through their elected officials at the White House are claiming that the voter registration card was planted for political purposes and is in fact a fake and a fraud and a damn lie. “It’s a fake and a fraud and a damn lie. And we have no further comment except to say that this matter has been turned over to the FBI. And that they have dug up J. Edgar Hoover to “head” up this investigation. And that as soon as Mr. Hoover gets fitted for a new girdle he will launch an exhaustive investigation into the source of the leak, Mr. Bud “Tick” Thacker of Norton, VA”. Mr. Thacker could not be reached but his supervisor released the following statement: “Ticks a real good guy. You know his mommy’s been real sick”.
