hickonfire

Heritage USA

Today I heard a KY judge say he’d never remove the Ten Commandments from his court room because they’re part of our heritage. Well, this is great news to me. It means my next get rich quick scheme is sure to pay off. See, I’ve learned a valuable lesson in this life and that lesson is how to cash in big time by manipulating the notion of “heritage”.

I’m goin’ straight to Gatlinburg and openin’ the following businesses: Ten Commandments (TC) Putt Putt Golf; TC's Go-Cart Track and Fish Fry; The Ten at the Inn Motor Lodge; and finally I’m announcing a Baskin Robbins Ten (BRT). We’ll only serve ten flavors ‘cause God only likes ten. I know, he told me during a recent violent battle with vertigo. I’m considering opening ten different BRT locations and only serving one flavor in each. That way Baptists, who only like vanilla, won’t have to associate with Methodists, known strawberry lovers.

I’ll be puttin’ the full court press on my competition with an ad campaign that’ll let the vacationer know what Pickle Sniffin' Satanist the other business owners are. The subtle message will be that you can only be a good, viable, saved Christian by eatin’ my cherry. If ya eat somebody else’s cherry you’re gonna burn.

If you wanna get in on the ground floor of these fab ideas, drop me an email. Want proof this approach to gettin’ rich’ll work? Check out the heritage hangin’ from the rafters down at the Cracker Barrel, reference this past election, or better yet, google Jim and Tammy Faye’s Heritage USA. I’m tellin’ ya, get in while the gettin’s good.

posted by hickonfire @ 5:24 PM