hickonfire

Possum Lips

Our local newscasters are the queens of bad fashion and makeup. Their lipstick has an atomic shine that makes them look like they’ve just finished throwin’ down a greezy ‘possum dinner. I haven’t seen lipstick like this since I swore off watchin’ porn three minutes ago.

Folks, take some advice from this redneck that doesn’t know the first fuckin’ thing about fashion, if your skin tone leans toward the sickly olive, DON’T WEAR GREEN! It’s a bad, bad combo that only brings out the purple circles under your eyes. Get some sleep, get a little sun or stop with the green. I mean, I like horror movies as much as the next asshole, but I don’t want to get my local news from somebody that looks like a half ass made up extra from the set of Dawn of the Dead. Actually that would be kinda fun.

Here’s an idea, next time your station is giving away a free makeover to poorly mimic Extreme Makeover, volunteer for it! Rig the contest, sleep with the producer, do some damn thing to get yourself into that spot for the love of God ‘cause you’re makin’ everybody sick.

posted by hickonfire @ 2:09 PM