hickonfire

Nextel, Done

Salt and pepper. Hot and sour soup. This and that. Sweet and sour chicken. Chip and Dale. Asheville, NC and Gatlinburg, TN.

We figured the best compliment to our hippie dippie with your hippie dippie weather, man, Asheville experience was to throw in a couple of days in fabulous downtown Gatlinburg, TN. I don’t have the skill, or the time, to convey the cultural differences that separate these places so I won’t even try. Each place has it’s own appeal if you come at it with the right approach. But I would like to share a couple of things I overheard in the burg today.

As we were enjoying our coffee and apple fritters at the unusually subdued Apple Barn this morning, a woman in the booth behind us yelled out for no apparent reason, “put another log on the fire! I’m about to defrost!” A few seconds later, another woman yelled, “it’s suppose to be 80 tomorrow. I’m gonna pressure wash my house.” Wow, mornin’!

At dinner, a couple and their 3 or 4 year old daughter sat in the booth behind us. They were sweet and attentive to her. This is refreshing here in Gatlinburg. Most of the time you just here parents threatening to beat, whoop, smack, or simply leave their kids if they don’t behave. But the dad was so supportive and animated it became creepy and weird. “Daddy, I drank my milk.” “THAT’S GREAT HONEY! DRINKING MILK IS VERY IMPORTANT! IT’LL MAKE YOU STRONG AND HEALTHY!”
“I know daddy. Daddy, I wiped a booger on the table.” “GOSH BABY THAT’S A NICE BOOGER! IT’S VERY PRETTY! IT’S GOT A LITTLE BLOOD IN IT WHICH COMPLIMENTS THE BROWNISH GREEN!” Um, check please.

Later in the evening while standing outside of the Civil War Memorabilia store I overheard a very, very large woman YELL into her Nextel walkie talkie, “WHERE YOU AT?” I couldn’t help but glance over. We made eye contact. She seemed a little embarrassed but her anger at not gettin’ a reply overwhelmed her and she YELLED back into the walkie talkie, “WE’RE GOIN’ TO THE CAR! WHERE YOU AT?!” Two boys came runnin’ up the side walk screamin’ “WE’RE RIGHT HERE, GOD!”

In the old days, if you had an asshole parent yelling at you, you could just run away from them. Not anymore junior. That hateful control freak and technology have come together to make your life completely miserable and hopeless. Good fuckin’ luck boys, you’re gonna need it. Nextel, done.

posted by hickonfire @ 12:28 AM