hickonfire

We Shall Overcome

Today as I’m driving down Richmond Road just minding my own business, I notice a massive black SUV in my side mirror coming up way too fast in the left lane. So I did what I always do in this situation, I pulled my doin’-the-speed-limit ass over into the left lane. I can’t stand aggressive drivers and take every opportunity to get in their way and piss them off. The way I see it, they suck, are a blight and need to be taught a lesson and I do my part to educate them. In fact, I have a routine I follow when presented with this educational opportunity.

After I change lanes I pull a hair less than a car length ahead of the person in the right lane so that the ass muncher in the I’m-so-cool-I-can’t-stand-it truck or SUV thinks they’re going to be able to cut between us. Then as they get right on my bumper they realize they can’t quite squeeze their school bus through that gap and have to slam on the brakes. If it’s a good day and the planets are aligned this goes on for several miles. I can’t express how much pleasure I get watching in the rear view mirror as my student bitches and moans and squirms and throws their hands up and checks their mirrors to see if they finally can shoot the gap and blow me off the road. Not today schmuck! I got mad skills and I’m going to use them to disrupt your miserable life.

Today I had the pleasure of educating a woman driving a black Cadillac Escalade while talking on her cell phone and smoking. I’m guessing she got the autopilot package upgrade to help propel her and her back seat full of kids down the road. Eventually the person in the right lane breaks what I believe is an unspoken agreement to infuriate this woman and decides to turn onto a side road. I can see the relief in the woman's face as she floors it and cuts around me. I feel let down ‘cause our beautiful encounter was so short. I suppose I didn’t sacrifice the right number of virgins this week and vow to make the necessary adjustments.

Once she got passed me I got a look at her bumper stickers and couldn’t believe my eyes. There was the obligatory “W’04” BUT next to it was a “We Shall Overcome” sticker. We Shall Overcome? Really? Were your family and friends slaves? Did they struggled for their civil rights? I’d like to know. What in the hell do you have to overcome? You’re a privileged white American driving a car that cost more than a lot of peoples house! You’re getting 12 miles to the gallon while people are dying to secure oil fields! Not to mention the people living in poverty in those oil rich countries who have no fucking idea why bombs are dropping around them and just want to live in peace. Yeah there was also one of those Christian fish stick-on’s on the tailgate. Wow! A real life right winger! I’m thinking this bunch got a tax break from W. They obviously needed it and are putting it to good use. I’m sure Jesus preferred them to get a tax break so they could more easily afford a $55,000 dumb ass gas hog while lunch programs got cut. I decided this person didn’t need a tax cut, she needed advanced education. So I skillfully navigated my way through traffic and pulled back in front of her so we could resume our lesson.

On a side note, I’ve decided to get HEMI tattooed on my penis so I can answer that yes, in fact this thing does have a HEMI! Would you like to sniff it? Nap time.

posted by hickonfire @ 7:23 PM